Spending Time With Family

Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children. He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job. Except for Sundays, Father hardly ate a meal together with his family. He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy.

Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family. The day came when the examination results were announced. To his joy, Father passed, and with distinctions too! 

Soon after, he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely. Like a dream come true, Father could now afford to provide his family with life’s little luxuries like nice clothing, fine food and vacation abroad. However, the family still did not get to see father for most of the week. He continued to work very hard, hoping to be promoted to the position of manager. In fact, to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion, he enrolled for another course in the open university.

Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.Father’s hard work paid off and he was promoted. Jubilantly, he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks. He also felt that their three-room flat was no longer big enough, it would be nice for his family to be able to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium. Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before, Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again. The family still did not get to see much of him. In fact, sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients. Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

As expected, Father’s hard work paid off again and he bought a beautiful condominium overlooking the coast of Singapore. On the first Sunday evening at their new home, Father declared to his family that he decided not to take anymore courses or pursue any more promotions. From then on he was going to devote more time to his family. Father did not wake up the next day. Try and spend as much time with your families and love ones. For the company in which we work can replace us in a couple of days. But our loved ones are irreplaceable.

The Marine’s Father *

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. “Your son is here,” she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened.Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her. “Who was that man?” he asked. The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered. “No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life.” “Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”

“I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”

Sometimes God gives us an opportunity to be a blessing in someone’s life, don’t miss it, for you never know when you might just need one .

Black or White

When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson I learned that day.

I was convinced that “I” was right and “he” was wrong – and he was just as convinced that “I” was wrong and “he” was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson.

She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. “White,” he answered.

I couldn’t believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, “White.”

It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side it was black.

Sometimes we need to look at the problem from the other person’s view in order to truly understand his/her perspective.

Fear of Unknown ..........

A young lady sent me mail regarding the attitude and behavior patterns of Indian parents settled in the US. 

She narrated one incident. She said that during Halloween, children come dressed in scary clothing, crying, "Trick or Treat"! They knock at doors, and collect candies from the people in the houses. Several children participate in this festival, but no Indian child seems to be in the group.

This young lady said Indian parents are seen dragging children to Indian social dos, where the kids do not seem to fit. Why do they do this? The children born there are confused, they mingle in one culture, but are taught the opposite at home. The parents try to teach the children about their culture a little too forcefully. Why?

For adults who go and settle there, it is a cultural shock. The rules of that society are different than ours. Seeing so much of freedom an individual has, can intimidating, at times. There is a value and belief system clash, and these people want to cling to their known beliefs.

The fact that every society has its own culture, which is applicable to that society, seems to not matter. When some outlook appears different from yours, instead of having an open mind, people tend to be offended.

This cultural shock is there even in India. There is a difference in values between the rural and urban located people. Also there is a difference between the outlook of people from North and South India. In the North, people are more liberal, there is more open mingling between the genders. It is accepted there, a casual friendship between a man and a woman.

And when these people go abroad, their sensibilities are further affected. The fact is that values are individual/family based; it works for you, it need not work for someone else. No one is right or wrong, just different.

Every religion or society has a deep culture. When you are ignorant of something, you will fear it. You always end up fearing the unknown. So it makes sense to become knowledeable about the society you are in and see the salient, positive points. Have an open mind to understanding different cultures, even if you cannot find yourself accepting them.

If you just admonish your children from doing something, or force them to do something, you will end up antagonizing them. They will either rebel openly, or develop passive-aggressive behavior. If, on the other hand, you take the trouble of understanding the culture of the society you have decided to live in, then you can teach your kids too. You can teach your own culture, about other cultures and make your kids more knowledgeable.

If your kids cannot find information at home, they will get it from somewhere else. It could be warped and lead to problems. So age related information should be imparted. When you impart good values, be role model yourself, your children need not stray. When children understand issues, they will generally take a wise decision. You need to foster healthy discussion and be willing to listen.

Encourage your children to learn from different cultures. Your parenting style can lead to a healthy or not so healthy behavior in your children. Your children need not be in America to go astray. It is possible in any country or culture.

When you teach your culture through stories, discussions, showing bright pictures, getting them to participate in festivals, rituals, other social gatherings by dressing in beautiful ethnic clothing and accessories, you arouse the curiosity of your children. They will get attracted to our culture, be willing to imbibe the nuances, and want to learn values. When they see their parents respecting other cultures, they too will.

Parents need to be alert to the influences of society, times and people on their children. They can keep guiding, imparting, encouraging and supporting their children through changing times. Give them enough information, let them choose. When your children are growing up to be confident young adults with help from you, the fear of them straying will not be there.

It is this straying that you fear. You end up clinging to your values, culture and forcing your kids to do the same.

"The Goldfish Bowl...!

Have you ever been saved from embarrassment by a kindly soul who absorbs the ridicule? These are the kind of people who are friends for life. Check this story out. There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened.

It’s never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they’ll never speak to him again as long as he lives. The boy believes his heart is going to stop, he puts his head down and prays — “Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I’m dead meat.”

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy’s lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, “Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!” Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else – Susie.

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. “You’ve done enough, you klutz!” Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” Susie whispers back, “I wet my pants once too.”

God always helps us see opportunities that are always around us to do good..We just need to grab them.

The Obstacles in our Path

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but no one did anything to move the big stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.

On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.
The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many others never understand.

Reflections :
“Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one's condition”.
Blaming others is not the solution for all the problems.
The story portrays the importance of taking initiative.

Reflections.. food for thought

"A man took a great pride in his lawn. Once, on his return from a trip abroad, he found a large crop of dandelions in his lawn. He tried every method he knew to destroy them. Still they plagued him.

Finally, he wrote to the department of agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried, and closed the letter with the question. "What shall I do now?"

In due course the reply came: "We suggest you learn to love them".

Learnings:

• Cribbing about a weakness becomes another weakness

• Learning to accept a weakness is in itself a strength

• What cannot be cured must be endured

Reflections:

• How do I respond to the dandelions in me?

• How do I respond to the dandelions in others?

• What is the nature of acceptance?