A young lady sent me mail regarding the attitude and behavior patterns of Indian parents settled in the US.
She narrated one incident. She said that during Halloween, children come dressed in scary clothing, crying, "Trick or Treat"! They knock at doors, and collect candies from the people in the houses. Several children participate in this festival, but no Indian child seems to be in the group.
This young lady said Indian parents are seen dragging children to Indian social dos, where the kids do not seem to fit. Why do they do this? The children born there are confused, they mingle in one culture, but are taught the opposite at home. The parents try to teach the children about their culture a little too forcefully. Why?
For adults who go and settle there, it is a cultural shock. The rules of that society are different than ours. Seeing so much of freedom an individual has, can intimidating, at times. There is a value and belief system clash, and these people want to cling to their known beliefs.
The fact that every society has its own culture, which is applicable to that society, seems to not matter. When some outlook appears different from yours, instead of having an open mind, people tend to be offended.
This cultural shock is there even in India. There is a difference in values between the rural and urban located people. Also there is a difference between the outlook of people from North and South India. In the North, people are more liberal, there is more open mingling between the genders. It is accepted there, a casual friendship between a man and a woman.
And when these people go abroad, their sensibilities are further affected. The fact is that values are individual/family based; it works for you, it need not work for someone else. No one is right or wrong, just different.
Every religion or society has a deep culture. When you are ignorant of something, you will fear it. You always end up fearing the unknown. So it makes sense to become knowledeable about the society you are in and see the salient, positive points. Have an open mind to understanding different cultures, even if you cannot find yourself accepting them.
If you just admonish your children from doing something, or force them to do something, you will end up antagonizing them. They will either rebel openly, or develop passive-aggressive behavior. If, on the other hand, you take the trouble of understanding the culture of the society you have decided to live in, then you can teach your kids too. You can teach your own culture, about other cultures and make your kids more knowledgeable.
If your kids cannot find information at home, they will get it from somewhere else. It could be warped and lead to problems. So age related information should be imparted. When you impart good values, be role model yourself, your children need not stray. When children understand issues, they will generally take a wise decision. You need to foster healthy discussion and be willing to listen.
Encourage your children to learn from different cultures. Your parenting style can lead to a healthy or not so healthy behavior in your children. Your children need not be in America to go astray. It is possible in any country or culture.
When you teach your culture through stories, discussions, showing bright pictures, getting them to participate in festivals, rituals, other social gatherings by dressing in beautiful ethnic clothing and accessories, you arouse the curiosity of your children. They will get attracted to our culture, be willing to imbibe the nuances, and want to learn values. When they see their parents respecting other cultures, they too will.
Parents need to be alert to the influences of society, times and people on their children. They can keep guiding, imparting, encouraging and supporting their children through changing times. Give them enough information, let them choose. When your children are growing up to be confident young adults with help from you, the fear of them straying will not be there.
It is this straying that you fear. You end up clinging to your values, culture and forcing your kids to do the same.
She narrated one incident. She said that during Halloween, children come dressed in scary clothing, crying, "Trick or Treat"! They knock at doors, and collect candies from the people in the houses. Several children participate in this festival, but no Indian child seems to be in the group.
This young lady said Indian parents are seen dragging children to Indian social dos, where the kids do not seem to fit. Why do they do this? The children born there are confused, they mingle in one culture, but are taught the opposite at home. The parents try to teach the children about their culture a little too forcefully. Why?
For adults who go and settle there, it is a cultural shock. The rules of that society are different than ours. Seeing so much of freedom an individual has, can intimidating, at times. There is a value and belief system clash, and these people want to cling to their known beliefs.
The fact that every society has its own culture, which is applicable to that society, seems to not matter. When some outlook appears different from yours, instead of having an open mind, people tend to be offended.
This cultural shock is there even in India. There is a difference in values between the rural and urban located people. Also there is a difference between the outlook of people from North and South India. In the North, people are more liberal, there is more open mingling between the genders. It is accepted there, a casual friendship between a man and a woman.
And when these people go abroad, their sensibilities are further affected. The fact is that values are individual/family based; it works for you, it need not work for someone else. No one is right or wrong, just different.
Every religion or society has a deep culture. When you are ignorant of something, you will fear it. You always end up fearing the unknown. So it makes sense to become knowledeable about the society you are in and see the salient, positive points. Have an open mind to understanding different cultures, even if you cannot find yourself accepting them.
If you just admonish your children from doing something, or force them to do something, you will end up antagonizing them. They will either rebel openly, or develop passive-aggressive behavior. If, on the other hand, you take the trouble of understanding the culture of the society you have decided to live in, then you can teach your kids too. You can teach your own culture, about other cultures and make your kids more knowledgeable.
If your kids cannot find information at home, they will get it from somewhere else. It could be warped and lead to problems. So age related information should be imparted. When you impart good values, be role model yourself, your children need not stray. When children understand issues, they will generally take a wise decision. You need to foster healthy discussion and be willing to listen.
Encourage your children to learn from different cultures. Your parenting style can lead to a healthy or not so healthy behavior in your children. Your children need not be in America to go astray. It is possible in any country or culture.
When you teach your culture through stories, discussions, showing bright pictures, getting them to participate in festivals, rituals, other social gatherings by dressing in beautiful ethnic clothing and accessories, you arouse the curiosity of your children. They will get attracted to our culture, be willing to imbibe the nuances, and want to learn values. When they see their parents respecting other cultures, they too will.
Parents need to be alert to the influences of society, times and people on their children. They can keep guiding, imparting, encouraging and supporting their children through changing times. Give them enough information, let them choose. When your children are growing up to be confident young adults with help from you, the fear of them straying will not be there.
It is this straying that you fear. You end up clinging to your values, culture and forcing your kids to do the same.
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